God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” ~ Hebrews 13:5b
Often when asked how I describe where I’m at with things following my husband’s death, I reply, “In between.”
I feel as though there is a definitely “before” period in my life – basically birth up until his death. But I also don’t feel like I’ve reached “after” quite yet. I feel more like the point I’m at right now is the intermission between act one and act two. And most days, I feel like I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got; trying my darndest to make good use of my time.
But there are other days where I don’t feel quite as upbeat about things.
Those days, I feel like God is some wild-haired bus driver, who brought the bus of life to a screeching halt, flung open the doors, handed me a few twenties and barked out a gruff, “Good luck, kid,” before peeling away in a cloud of dust. I feel like I’ve been stranded in the middle of nowhere, with my suitcase in hand, squinting after Him as He sped away along a dirt road, with nothing around me but wheat fields and sky (apparently, in this scenario, God left me in Kansas).
Yet I know that isn’t true. God has brought me to the situation that I am in, and I know He will carry me through it. I’m not sure when intermission will be over and act two will begin – maybe in this lifetime, maybe in eternity. But either way, God has promised to never, ever leave me. So regardless of my feelings from day to day, I know He right beside me, holding my hand, walking me through.