Tag Archives: refuge

Everyone Needs a Time Out

05 Thursday Jul 2012

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“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” ~ Mark 1:35

My little boy, being almost two, has entered the realm of having moments when he is just mad, mad, mad at not getting his way.  Today was one of those days.  I took something away, and he retaliated in true toddler fashion: screaming meltdown.

However, he didn’t get the response he was hoping for.  In fact, he didn’t really get any response.  After looking around and finding he had no audience, he took himself to his room.

After a few minutes, I went to check on him, since it was pretty quite.  He had turned on his CD player, which had the CD of hymns in that he listens to when he goes to sleep.  He was quietly singing, “Jesus Loves Me” to himself (which currently involves a lot of “Yesses” and humming) and rocking in his rocking chair.

My little boy had put himself in a much-needed time out.

If only we all recognized when we need a minute to stop and collect ourselves!

Jesus sets a good example for us, by getting up early and going away to pray.  Even though He was the Son of God, He still needed that extra quiet time away from everyone and everything to recharge and regroup.  Time away, especially time spent praying and worshipping God, is important for all of us.

And, as my little boy showed me today, it’s never too soon to start.

Clench

18 Friday May 2012

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The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
~ Psalm 18:2-3

Yesterday I wrote about not worrying and enjoying the beautiful life God has given us.

Well, lest I give you the wrong impression that I have mastered the art of doing just that, I thought I’d set the record straight today.

I worry all the time.

I know I shouldn’t – I know I need to run to God with things more often.  But it seems that since my husband died, I have felt the need to keep it all together.  All of the time.  And that’s exhausting.

It’s also taking a physical toll on me in a way I never would have anticipated – my teeth.  You see, I have issues with grinding my teeth at night (us professional worriers often do), but what I’ve noticed lately is that I have started clenching my jaw during the day.  Thinking about bills, managing a job/house/toddler, life in general – and I’ll start clenching my jaw.  I do this so fiercely that I can actually get my teeth to shift around during the course of the day.  It’s ridiculous.

Which tells me that I’m not giving enough of my worries to God.  I need to take my own advice from yesterday (and many other days) and the advice of David in the Psalms.  Keeping in mind that God is my fortress and refuge should help me relax more often.  And hopefully it will give my teeth a break, too.

On the Road of the Broken

29 Sunday Apr 2012

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God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” ~ Hebrews 13:5b

Often when asked how I describe where I’m at with things following my husband’s death, I reply, “In between.”

I feel as though there is a definitely “before” period in my life – basically birth up until his death.  But I also don’t feel like I’ve reached “after” quite yet.  I feel more like the point I’m at right now is the intermission between act one and act two.  And most days, I feel like I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got; trying my darndest to make good use of my time.

But there are other days where I don’t feel quite as upbeat about things.

Those days, I feel like God is some wild-haired bus driver, who brought the bus of life to a screeching halt, flung open the doors, handed me a few twenties and barked out a gruff, “Good luck, kid,” before peeling away in a cloud of dust.  I feel like I’ve been stranded in the middle of nowhere, with my suitcase in hand, squinting after Him as He sped away along a dirt road, with nothing around me but wheat fields and sky (apparently, in this scenario, God left me in Kansas).

Yet I know that isn’t true.  God has brought me to the situation that I am in, and I know He will carry me through it.  I’m not sure when intermission will be over and act two will begin – maybe in this lifetime, maybe in eternity.  But either way, God has promised to never, ever leave me.  So regardless of my feelings from day to day, I know He right beside me, holding my hand, walking me through.

Jesus Understands

03 Saturday Mar 2012

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“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.” ~ Hebrews 4:15

If you have been following my blog for any length of time at all, you know that I like to read.  A lot.  You could even go so far as to label me a voracious reader.  I am currently sitting in my favorite room in my house, and it happens to be stuffed full of books.  I read once about an author who had so many books that he had to have the floors in his house reinforced to hold the weight of them all – now that is something I dream about.

One thing of late, though, that I have noticed is that I have gotten rather picky about what I read.  There are authors who write from experience – you can tell their words are weighted with the gravity of having been there.  And there are authors who write from imagination.  Now, I am certainly not criticizing the latter, but I have discovered when it comes to writing about loss, I much prefer to read books by the former.  Some authors have clearly experienced loss, while some only romanticize it (Nicholas Sparks, I’m looking at you).  Having watched my husband die, I can assure you there is nothing romantic about it.  Given a choice, I would have him here with me again in a second.

This is why I am thankful God had the wisdom to send His Son to earth, to walk this journey alongside us.  Jesus spent time growing up, living with family, loving His friends, and saw death come to the doorstep of more than one person during His time on earth.  He understands what that kind of grief is like because He went through it.  When I cry out to Him how hard things are without my husband, He knows what its like – He watched His own mother grapple with the heartache that widowhood brings.

Part of Christ’s sacrifice in coming to earth to die for our sins was to experience and witness what it’s like to live in a broken world.  I am so thankful for this.  And humbled.  Because our God cared enough to not only love us in spite of our fallen nature, but He also loved us enough to step down into this world and suffer in it with us.

Emergency! Emergency!

14 Tuesday Feb 2012

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(In order to really understand the spirit of this blog title, you need to imagine it’s being shouted by Alan Arkin, in a really thick accent in “The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming.”  Otherwise it just isn’t the same.)

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” ~ Philippians 4:6

This week I’ve been working on trying to figure out why it is I always feel behind.  Or at least be able to pinpoint, at the end of the day, exactly what I did with all of my time.  Some days are super productive, other days just seem to slip away, and I have no clue where they have gone.

However, I am thankful to be in a place beyond the seemingly endless “panic mode” that I was in for a while.  The place where everything gets done, just not in a timely or sane manner.  Existing in panic mode is frustrating and exhausting, because you are subjecting yourself to more demands that you can possibly meet.

Perhaps you know someone that this describes.  Maybe it describes you.  If you do find yourself in this boat, remember today’s verse from Philippians.  We aren’t to be anxious about anything.  Too often, when we live in panic mode, we are anxious about everything and not trusting God with any of it.  Everything seems like an emergency, because we aren’t prepared for anything.

Rather than allow yourself to be swept away by the tide of things marked “urgent,” take yourself and your worries to the Lord in prayer.  Let God know what it is you are going through and ask Him for His help dealing with it.  He promises to be there for you through all of it.

God Doesn’t Forget

11 Sunday Dec 2011

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Hear my cry, O God; 
   
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you, 
   
I call as my heart grows faint; 
   
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge, 
   
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever 
   
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
~ Psalm 61:1-4

There will be a day when we won’t have to wonder anymore what it will be like to be face to face with God.  When we will not only stand before Him, but will live out every minute of eternity in His presence.

I don’t know about you, but I am really looking forward to that day.  And there are times when I am flat-out envious that my husband is already enjoying that very experience as we speak.

Until then, we have to remember that all the times we feel forgotten, left out and overlooked are not how God sees us or wants us to feel.  In fact, He wants us to know we are just the opposite – chosen, loved and cherished.

God promises to hear our prayers, to be the rock we can rely on, to give us shelter and be strong for us.  We can cry out to Him when we feel alone and ignored.  He never, ever forgets about us.  We are always in the palm of His hand, protected from the storms of life.

One More Time, With Feeling!

15 Thursday Sep 2011

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Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
   will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
   my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare 
   
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers, 
   
and under his wings you will find refuge; 
   
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 
You will not fear the terror of night, 
   
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, 
   
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
~ Psalm 91:1-6

My smoke detectors continue to plague me.

Seriously, this has gotten out of hand.  This afternoon, one started chirping intermittently for half an hour.  So I texted my brother-in-law (did you know it’s possible to whine via text? well, it is) and he graciously came over this evening, checked the breaker, checked the smoke detectors and replaced another one.

An hour after he left, I found myself running around my house, searching for a flashlight, in order to run outside and throw the breaker, in order to stop the shrilling shrieks of three of them going off in tandem.  Of course, the breaker did nothing, thanks to the brand-new batteries they all have.  Once again, up the ladder I went, pulling them all down, taking them apart and putting them in my garage.  The next stop will be smashing them with my late husband’s construction hammer, if any of them even think about beeping again.

I’m starting to wonder if the statistical likelihood of me being driven crazy by these stupid devices doesn’t significantly outweigh the odds of my house catching fire.

But what amazes me more than anything is how calm my little boy is during all of this.  He has excellent hearing, so I know it’s not that he isn’t disturbed by the racket.  He wakes up, but doesn’t cry over the terrible noise.  He kind of bunches himself up in the corner of his crib and stays there until I go in and check on him.  Then he relaxes, sighs and goes back to sleep.  It’s as if he knows that as long as mom is there, everything will be okay.

It is such a good reminder for me when things in life sneak up on me or a surprise jars me out of my daily routine.  God is protecting and caring for me every step of the way, so I should be able to relax and stay calm in His presence.  Since He has promised never to leave me, I have nothing to fear in this life.  I need to hang on to that feeling more, and when troubles come, relax and know that He is right there with me.

Let Down

26 Tuesday Apr 2011

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“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” ~ Matthew 11:29

There is something beautiful in being able to lean into someone for help.  Marriage teaches you to do that, but I’m discovering loss does as well.  Most of the time, I run myself a bit ragged trying to keep everything together (Easter morning my little boy and I had a list of ten things to do we had to get done before church – just to make sure we were on time and presentable).  Being an only parent means that after everything else seems done, there is probably one more thing to do that I have forgotten.

But this week I asked for help.  So my mother is here visiting me.  And even though she hasn’t been here very long, I’m already feeling the relief of having someone else around.  It means after dinner is cooked and the little one is fed, she jumps in and does the dishes while I put him to bed.  It means I don’t have to change every single diaper.  It means my little guy can stay home and play instead of going to rehearsal with me.  But most of all, it means that I can relax, at least a little bit, because I don’t have to worry about doing everything.

Today’s verse in Matthew immediately follows the verse in which Jesus calls to all the weary and offers them rest.  I always think of Mary when I read these verses.  I am a Martha by nature – rushing around to get things done, while Mary sat at the feet of Jesus and listened to His teaching (Luke 10:38-42).  But I need to remember that He is taking care of things for me, so I really can sit at His feet and rest – and that is so wonderful to me.

I know all of us have weights and responsibilities that we have no choice to but to shoulder.  It is part of the burden of being human in a fallen world.  But Christ didn’t leave us without relief.  He promises to give us rest and teach us – all we need to do is trust His Word.

Grown Up

16 Saturday Apr 2011

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“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” ~ I John 3:1a

The other night I was lying in bed, and this thought flitted, unbidden, through my head:

“I wonder when the grown ups are coming home.”

As soon as I realized what I was thinking, I had to laugh aloud.  It had been a particularly long day and I was so grateful to be going to sleep, but apparently my subconscious was really hoping that someone else would get here and take charge.

It’s funny how when you’re a kid, you think being grown up will be so great – you’ll get to do whatever you want, whenever you want.  You don’t ever think about the burdens and responsibilities that come with age.  It doesn’t necessarily cross your mind that sometimes it’s really nice to have someone step in and take care of all the tough stuff.

I think this is part of the reason that God identifies Himself as our Father.  He knows that we crave guidance, direction and security, and that eventually we outgrow the role of dependent child on earth.  Of course, our parents will always be our parents, but after a certain age, it’s up to us to take care of ourselves.  So He knew that we would sometimes long, even as an adult, to curl up in a parent’s lap and let someone else do the worrying for us.

Let the Father be your safe refuge when the storms and trials come.  Run to Him, like a child would to their daddy, and tell Him how much you need Him.  He wants to be there for you.

Alone

17 Thursday Mar 2011

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“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” ~ Matthew 28:20b

This morning while I was running, I listened to Red’s new album to keep me motivated.  It’s got a pretty good workout beat, but one of the songs got my attention for a different reason.  The band is singing about how God will be there for you…

And I will be your hope
When you feel like it’s over
And I will pick you up
When your whole world shatters
And when you’re finally in My arms
Look up and see that love has a face

And even though I was a bit winded and all sweaty, I couldn’t help but think how beautiful these words are.

God really is there, even when everything is falling apart and crashing down.  The night my husband died, He was there.  When terrible things happen – like when the World Trade Center fell or a raging tsunami hits the shores of an island nation – He’s there.  It may not always feel like it, but when we’re doubting, we just have to look up to Him to see that love really does have a face.

I am so thankful that Jesus promised to be with us always.  People can’t make this promise.  I have found when truly terrible things happen, people can be absolutely amazing.  In my life, I have had people step in to encourage me or help carry the load that I haven’t spoken to in years.  These people are the ones who make every step a bit easier.  But not everyone is like that.  Some people are afraid of grief or don’t know how to deal with it, so they step back.  This can be hard to experience in a time of need, because someone you want to rely on isn’t there.

That’s why when everything is crashing down around you, Jesus is the One to turn to.  He doesn’t promise to be there when it’s easy or convenient – He promises to be there always.  Grief is something He experienced on earth; tragedy is something that He has witnessed since creation.  He knows what to say and He knows how to comfort you.

As long as Jesus is with you, you are never alone.

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